Death at a Funeral

The time is finally here...  The time that had been looming for about a year since my Grandma had her brain surgery.  Her time is finally here and she has passed on to be with my Grandpa.  I miss my feisty Grandma and her har gows and soups that she used to make, but I am happy at the same time because I know my Grandma was suffering and she had not really lived for about a year prior to her passing on. My Grandma died in her sleep peacefully after months of dialysis.  She is definitely in a better place.

I don’t really know how I am supposed to feel because my Grandma is the first person in my life who I consider being close with to pass on.  When my maternal Grandpa died, I was only 6 years old and really didn’t know him that well.  When my paternal Grandpa died, I was I think 12 years old or so, but my Grandpa has a lot of kids and grandkids that I really didn’t know him. 

I am not one to solicit comments from others. In fact, I feel weird hearing people say things like “I’m sorry for your loss” or “my condolences” because I honestly don’t think the words mean anything nor do I think the person saying it or typing it on Facebook really means anything with it.   Also, saying it to me doesn’t mean or do anything for myself either.  I don’t feel “sad” or the need to wallow in my Grandma’s death.  Life goes on and we have to continue living our lives while keeping the dead in our memory.

So, before I move on to the next part of my blog here – I assure you, I’m fine and no need to tell me that you’re sorry.

The dreaded funeral.  I knew this day was going to come at some point and I have been dreading it for a long time.  Not only because it means that my grandma has passed on (like I said, she hadn’t been “her” for quite some time), but because I will have to for the last time in my life (I hope) to ever have to see my parents again. 

The funeral is now set for November 5, which means I have three weeks to prepare myself.  And had Miller not mentioned it to me, what the heck am I going to say to them if they try to talk to me?! I had not thought about that.  I just figured I’d sit as far as humanly possible from them. 

I truly hate myself for allowing my parents to become the center of my issue rather than focusing on my grandma’s death.  However, my parents caused a lot of grief, not just with me, but with the rest of the family during my grandma’s last year of life. 


It is at times like these that family members will gather and it is also times like these that stirs up any underlying family issues.  With my particular family - it is any and all drama that involves my parents.  

I am going to try to just ignore them and I’ve decided if they talk to me, I’ll simply tell them to leave me alone and I have no desire to talk to them or reconcile with them. 

-Emma