To Have or Not To Have A Baby

Babies - is it acceptable to not have them? Now that I'm 26 and married, between my biological clock "ticking" and everyone around me having babies, it has become harder and harder to explain why there are no immediate plans between Miller and me to have babies.

First off, we have Miller Jr who is a wonderful child and I love him like he is my own. I have been in his life as long as he can remember and we have a great relationship. He was 6 months old when I met him, so as far as he knows, I've been in there all his life. I will admit, and I don't care what type of reticule I get, that as much as I love Miller Jr., it is very nice to get a break from him. He lives two states away from us, so when we get him, we have him for long periods of time. We get the experience of having to put him in day care, taking care of him day in and day out, having the frustration of him not listening, etc etc. I get the "fix" of having a child when he's with us and we get our "normal" life when he's home. With that said, I think we really do have it good. I get to have the best of both worlds.

I have always thought I wanted a child. I wanted one because Miller has one who is not biologically mine, that's been a reason for a long time. I also wanted one because "society" said so. As a girl, we grow up dreaming about our wedding day and being a mommy. Heck, I started to figure out a name for my kid since I was a little kid. However, want we dream of as a kid don't generally play out as we become adults. As I am closer to becoming an attorney and working hard to get the work experience I need and seeing all the things I still want to do, I realize, I wanted to have kids for all the wrong reasons.

I don't really find babies all that cute. I find Miller Jr. cute as heck, but I don't find most other kids all that cute. I am mean, I judge how other babies look and I think most of them are ugly and annoying. I cannot stand a kid screaming in the middle of a grocery aisle and I don't find it cute when kids do stupid things.

Miller and I have a great life. Yes, we're in a lot of debt, but we enjoy our lives. We love being able to stay home and just have the peace and quiet and relax. I am able to study and focus on law school. So what would be the reason to have a kid other than to have a kid for the sake of having a kid? I don't particularly think I'll enjoy pregnancy or enjoy the baby when he/she is first born. From the point of 6 months and on, I've experienced it with Miller Jr. It wasn't so cute when he pooped in his underwear when he was potty training...and it's not so cute when he still wets his bed once in a while now.

I have always been career-minded and wanted to make a lot of money. Call me shallow and I'll proudly admit it. I love money. I believe money buys happiness to a certain extent. Kids don't buy happiness. They buy moments of happiness. So, if I'm career-minded and that's what will make me happy...why would I do anything to impede that? I know better, I'm replaceable at work, most people are. If I don't want to be replaced, I need to anchor myself at my job. A child will no doubt get in the way. I'm a female, which means I necessarily have to look like like a hippo for about 9 months then take 2 months off from work, then feel guilty that I can't spend my time nurturing the kid in the first few years of its life.

Another thing that I have always wanted to do is travel, and travel A LOT. Guess what? That cost a lot of money and time. Yes, sure, I can still travel with a child, but it's not the same. I have this conversation with co-workers who have multiple kids all the time and I always get the same response - "oh you'll figure it out! people have kids and work all the time and they manage". Well guess what? I don't wanna just "figure it out" or "manage". I want to do it the right way and I want to it comfortably.

Right about now, I know you're calling me selfish and selfish I am. I see no problem in being selfish. I need to make myself happy before I can try to make someone else happy. Honestly, I don't understand how I'm selfish. Am I selfish because I'm not fulfilling society's expectations of me to have kids? Why is the society allowed to dictate that anyway?

I truly believe most parents regret their kids. Not that they don't love them, but they do regret their kids. I finally got Miller to admit that while he loves loves loves loves loves Miller Jr. and will do anything and everything for him and will never ever change the fact that he had Miller Jr., Miller Jr. has changed his life.

Society's norm is for people to have kids and it is "unnatural" for people to not have kids. Most people look at me and Miller and cannot fathom why we don't. I can give them my laundry list of fake excuses such as debt, time, school, work, etc but they'll just give me the lame rebuttal that people have kids who are worse off than me.

Ultimately, I think personally, I want kids. I do. I really do. I have a maternal thing about me cuz when I met Miller Jr., I knew exactly what to do even though I haven't been around kids a lot. However, I think I'll truly be able to 100% be on board when I'm older and be able to do all the things I want to do first.

-Emma