End of the Month Sorrows

Guess what? It's September 30th...which means, it's the end of the month today. How much do I dread end of the month. End of the month means rent is due. End of the month also signifies the beginning of the next month. All the bills I have paid in the previous month have once again cycled back like a never-ending horror movie. It feels like there is no end in sight.

Miller and I have not made the best decisions when it came to finances. We have three cars and too many credit cards to count. It was fun and dandy when we bought those 3 cars and drove them off the lot...until the first car payment arrived. Oh and don't forget...the insurance bill as well. All our cars have a 5 year fix rate loan on them. 5 years doesn't seem like a long time when that car salesman is selling you the car...but if you think about it, 5 years is 60 months! 60!! We are finally close to paying off our first car, but the other two cars, we still have an eternity to go. By the time we pay off these other cars and own it right out, the cars will be old and dingy.

At least our car payments have a "series finale" date..so to speak. Credit card debt is literally NEVER ENDING. How and why people thought it was an awesome idea to spend someone else's money just so you can pay them back twice as much...is now beyond what I can fathom. Currently, Miller and I can only afford barely the minimum payment on each card. The finance charges alone on these cards make up the majority, if not the entire, minimum payment. So...I keep making payments on the cards, but the debt never seem to decrease. Funny world we live in. It's like we're tripping on acid and we like torture ourselves in this downward spiral of credit card debt. The damn bunny with the dam clock. Why do you have to look so interesting?

I love seeing the various "credit card consolidation solution" commercials. They all show people pulling their hairs out while scrambling through their bills. Then they pose a few questions to the viewers: 1) Are you drowning in credit card debt? 2) Do you owe more than $10,000 in credit card debt? 3) Do you feel like there is no way out? I drive Miller crazy because I will scream "YES, YES, and YES" every time I see or hear those commercials. If only life was so easy and some "magical" company can "flick their magic wand" and make my debt go bye-bye.

Then there are the almighty utility bills that you have no choice to not pay - electric, gas, water, trash. Thankfully, my landlord pays my water and trash bill. The electric and gas bill, not so much. Sometimes I wish we're back in the cavemen days and we didn't need electricity or gas. You can't even decide to "cut out" these bills because they're called UTILITIES for a reason. We need them to live in today's day and age. Can we really live without running cold and hot water? Can we really live with just candle light and a campfire to cook our food? Technically, yes. But, realistically, no.

Last but not least, bills that some would consider "luxuries". I'm typing this blog in the comfort of my own home. That means, I have the internet and I have a bill to go with that! Then there is the cell phone bill. We do not have a landline like many 21st Century people, so we kinda have to have a cell phone to keep in contact with the world. We don't have text messaging of any form on our phones, we can't even receive text in order to avoid people texting us and costing us money. We also still have cable. Why you ask? Simple. We're humans. We lack the ability to be "bored". I know this does not justify having the luxury of having cable...but I we might go insane if we don't have some form of entertainment.

There you have it. End of the month. Oh the joy!

-Emma

Blood is NOT thicker than water...

Now that I have set the tone for my blog...I would like to take you back to circa May 2009.

To give you a little background, Miller and I have been together for almost 6 years and the whole "getting married and planning a wedding" thing was placed on the back burner.  We had better things to worry about and spend our money on - enjoying life, buying whatever our heart desired, traveling, going out, etc.

We finally got the motivation to pick a date after my friend Carolina, who had been with her boyfriend for less than a year decided to get married.  So, we pulled out the calendar and arbitrarily picked a date in October 2009 (yes! next month!).  Our wedding is going to be low budget with just our closest families.  After we had our date set, we did what any normal human beings would do, notify our parents.  That's when all hell broke loose.

Miller's family was excited and couldn't be happier that we are finally going to tie the knot.  They have been dying for us to get married for years (mainly because I am such a catch *wink wink*).  However, my family, not so much.

Before I tell you what happened with my conversations with my parents, let me just say, yes, my parents and Miller have had their issues in the past.  However, in the last 3 or 4 years, my parents have shown nothing but "love" towards Miller...or so we thought.  They loved his presence and they loved talking to him.  My parents even bought an ostrich egg cake topper from eBay a little while ago for us! So, you'll understand why I was presently surprised by my parents' responses.

I called my mother, thinking that she would actually be excited about the wedding  How wrong was I. My mother showed no emotion about my wedding.  I asked whether she was even happy for me and her emotionless responses continued.  She told me "of course I would attend your wedding, I would attend any of my friend's wedding".  Touching right? I am the oldest of two siblings and my sister is almost 10 years younger than me.  So you would think, my mother would have a more emotional response than that! Nope. My mother placed her first daughter on the level of  "just one of her many friends".

My mother's reason for her lack of emotion was that after 6 years of Miller and I dating, that she did not like Miller all along.  Then she continued into her tirade of my lack of caring of the family and my lack of sharing my personal business with her.  Her focus was how I am a selfish daughter.  Great. Thanks mother.  The 45 minute phone call ended with me crying and returning to work with red puffy eyes.

When I got home that night, I decided to go round two with the phone calls with my parents. Time to call my father.  My father was forewarned about my wedding news. He already knew exactly what he was going to tell me.   He, also said that he never took a liking to Miller and the only reason he was ever nice to him was for my sake.  I asked my father whether they would go to my wedding willingly to stand by me, even though they think I am not making the "right" decision.  He said no. Great father right? Don't stand by your daughter through the bad decisions she makes, abandon her when she makes those bad decisions! Then I realize the conversation started to focus on how I am a selfish daughter...ONCE AGAIN! This phone call also lasted about 45 minutes with me crying and laying on my bed with red puffy eyes.

When I stepped back to look at the two conversations, I noticed one universal theme - I am a selfish daughter! Apparently, I no longer care about my parents or my sister's well-being because I am getting married.  Even though...they possess a cake topper in preparation for our nuptials! So what went wrong I asked myself.  Then the "ah-ha" moment struck! I have been a daughter in which my parents have had a lot of say and control in my life until I met Miller.  While my parents expected us to get married someday, they wanted to be the one to tell ME when I can or cannot get married.  ME! A GROWN WOMAN IN HER 20s!

My parents were simply hiding behind the guise of "Miller is not a good guy" to further their agenda of controlling my life.  To be honest, if I were to marry a complete dirtbag, I would still expect my parents to be there by my side if they were good parents...but I digress.  My parents are so selfish that they rather completely ruin their daughter's wedding and marriage then to be supportive and loving - all because they want to continue their grip in my everyday decisions.

So I take to the wisdom of a few local radio DJs - "blood is NOT thicker than water".  These DJs always posed the question of "would you be friends with [insert family member] had he/she not been your family?" I asked myself that about my parents.  The answer is a big fat NO. I would not. My parents are no angels and the decisions they make in their lives and the way they treat their own friends and family are not the way I would live my life.  The key difference is, I do NOT comment about their lives.  I let them live the life they live! The only people that should be considered family are people who truly cares about you and whom you truly care about.  People who will be there through thick and thin.  People who won't judge you. And people who understand what you want without having to ask.

I must say, I miss my sister.  She is a teenager and is heavily controlled by my parents.  I am sure she too, thinks poorly of me at this time.  I truly miss her and it saddens me that my sister does not wish to talk to me after my attempts of reaching out to her.

Goodnight for now.
-Emma

The Beginning

Hi everyone! To introduce myself a bit...I'm in my early 20s about to get married and have been slapped by the current economic downturn. I don't blame anyone else for my troubles but my previous lifestyle - over indulgence in material things, extravagant trips, the upscale meals, drinking, etc.

Fast forward to today, my fiance, Miller and I are drowning in credit card debt and car payments along with my lovely school loans. All the debt but with no way out. I decided to start this blog for couple of reasons. #1 I really need a venue to vent my pent up stress and #2 to hopefully share my experience and relate to others who are in the same shoes as I (family, money, relationships, etc).

The stress is insurmountable. My alarm goes off and as I hit my snooze button, I think about a bill that has been past due. Just today, I finally paid my cable/internet bill with a credit card that is charged almost to its max. Yes...I shall answer your question - WHY do I still have cable/internet? That's because I'm your typical whiny American, but has a hard time giving up my luxuries. I'm trying. Trust me. I am.

Before I leave tonight...I must preface with this - I know that there are always people worse off than me. I know that there are families who are homeless in America. And I know that there are starving children in Africa. The purpose of my blog is not to brag about how "poor" and "unfortunate" I am. I do not try to compare my life with those who are less fortunate, I am simply here to share with you my life and my experiences.

That's it for now!
-Emma