Recent events have led me to realize certain things in my life. They say hindsight is 20/20 and I think “they” are right.
My grandma is in her late 80s and her heath is deteriorating. She recently had a bad fall that caused a blood clot in the left side of her brain. Our family had two options – either let the blood clot worsen and she will die shortly or risk a brain surgery to drain the blood clot. My grandma went through the surgery and she recovered very well, but her health is not doing any better overall. I'm sure grandpa is watching over her right now.
Anyway, my grandma’s health situation has become the new topic of drama revolving my mother and the rest of the family. She’s kicked it up a notch and has ignited the anger in my sister towards the family. My sister cussed out the whole family about not “loving” grandma as much as they do and my sister has finally done it to me as well on Facebook. After cussing me out on Facebook, she defriended me. I’m happy that she did because I did not have the heart to do it to my sister. I knew she was playing the role of my mother’s puppet, but I still care for her. So, I’m glad that she made it her choice to cut me out.
Anyway, back to my recent epiphanies…I’m looking back at my whole life and my relationship with my mother. I always thought that I had a close relationship with her, but apparently, that was never true. I always “longed” for a close relationship with her but we never actually connected. My mother has made sure she connected with my sister (thus the whole puppeteer/puppet thing).
As a child growing up, all I can remember is how much I wished my parents were home because I was excited to show them whatever it was I made or did (ex. School work, artwork, cards I made, etc). But it seemed no matter how hard I tried, no matter what kind of grades I had, she really did not care. As I got older, it became apparent to me that I cannot share my problems with my mother. It wasn’t apparent to me that my mother is Satan, but I knew I couldn’t tell her things. This probably started at around age 14 or 15.
When I left to college, I had a lot of problems adjusting to college life…not to mention, I went to college at age 16. My mother still never connected with me on all the issues I had…even after I ODed at age 17. My parents swept that under the rug and never tried to talk to me or anything.
When I met Miller, my parents really did not like him. I thought it was all because of “legitimate” reasons such as: he has a kid, we’re too young, he’s white, etc. Hell, I wish my parents truly didn’t like Miller because he was white….then at least it’s because my parents are traditional. But no, those are not the reasons they did not him – they didn’t like him because I started to remove myself from them physically and emotionally.
As an adult and breaking away from my parents, it grew harder to keep a relationship with them. It became exhausting. After years, I finally had the guts to tell my mom "I don't care about your problems, you're an adult, deal with it!" and I know that's where the relationship went down hill at light speed.
I have been visiting with my relatives a lot recently because of my grandma's health and...possible imminent farewell. They have had many issues with my mom in the last year or so, but keep telling me I should make up my own mind. All I can tell them was "I made up my own mind long before you guys did".
My dad has made a sudden transgender change, hell I might as well be straightforward about it. No, I'm NOT okay with it. Call me homophobic, unaccepting, intolerant, non-politically correct, whatever, I do NOT care. This is my "dad" we are talking about and I am entitled to feel however I want to feel. My dad has died, the horrible, terrible, piece of scum he was as a dad, has died in my mind. Whatever he is now, is a different person to me and I do NOT want to know him, meet him, seem him, talk to him, nothing. I wanted a connection with him all my life too, but never got it because of his shitty personality. As far as I am concerned, my dad is dead. He's dead dead dead.
Anyway, I think this is rather heavy. I believe my life has been dramatically better without my parents. I'm not taking the "family's" side as I have made this decision on my own. Miller had NO influence, my relatives had NO influence, what went on with my grandma had NO influence. This is me and me alone making a decision that they are toxic and I'm a better person without them.
-Emma
Keeping It Real - Cutting Out Life's Luxuries
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Hi All!
Recently, Miller and I have have made the big decision to start cutting out things that we have regarding as "necessities". We are short money every month and our credit cards are maxed out. Something has to give. Well, we're doing it. It really sounds crazy to myself, but I'm really starting to understand what "cutting back" truly means.
Cutting back doesn't only mean - no more going out to eat at the fancy restaurant, or no more shopping every month (just every other month), or no more going to the movies. Cutting back literally means cutting back what we have long taken for granted as necessities.
First off - carpooling! Miller and I only work about 5 miles from our home and we literally work 2 minutes away from one another. But, he gets off from work 1/2 hour after me and we found it just "not convenient" to car pool. So, instead, he drives his big ass pick-up truck to work everyday and I drive my little car to work everyday. Well recently, we were broke (surprise!) and I told Miller "uh you're NOT going to put $80 worth of gas in your truck until we get paid or something!" We started carpooling that week...and realize...WHY have we not been doing this?! We figured in his big ass pick-up truck, just to drive 5 miles to and from work (10 miles each day) will probably cost AT LEAST a tank of gas each month, if not more! A tank of gas in his truck cost anywhere from $70 to $80 depending on price of gas. So, #1 luxury gone - I stay 1/2 hour behind at work and we use our little car to drive to/from work. It's amazing how we took this luxury for granted. It's like "HELL NO! I'm driving my own car =P"...little did we realize how frivolous that was given how close our work is!
Second, perhaps most painful for me - TV (cable)! I know, this is a no-brainer "luxury" item. However, I watch A LOT of TV. We were paying about $150 a month for TV and internet together and for the longest time, I protested getting rid of cable. I mean WHAT kind of people live without cable?!! That's when I realize how it was another "luxury" that I mistakenly considered as a "necessity". Now that we got rid of TV, our bill is down to about $40 per month just of the internet. Internet will give us plenty of entertainment to keep us home and not going out and spending money. Not to mention, I go to school online...so I actually do need it =)
So far, that's at least $200 per month, if not more that we have saved. I know it doesn't seem like much, but it's a start. I can't cut out the credit card payments or car payments (we are upside down on our cars). We want to keep out good credit and not ruin it...so we are working on cutting on what we can. I'm really proud of us to be honest because just a year ago, I would have never thought we'd be able to live with just one car and no cable!
Till next time!
-Emma
Recently, Miller and I have have made the big decision to start cutting out things that we have regarding as "necessities". We are short money every month and our credit cards are maxed out. Something has to give. Well, we're doing it. It really sounds crazy to myself, but I'm really starting to understand what "cutting back" truly means.
Cutting back doesn't only mean - no more going out to eat at the fancy restaurant, or no more shopping every month (just every other month), or no more going to the movies. Cutting back literally means cutting back what we have long taken for granted as necessities.
First off - carpooling! Miller and I only work about 5 miles from our home and we literally work 2 minutes away from one another. But, he gets off from work 1/2 hour after me and we found it just "not convenient" to car pool. So, instead, he drives his big ass pick-up truck to work everyday and I drive my little car to work everyday. Well recently, we were broke (surprise!) and I told Miller "uh you're NOT going to put $80 worth of gas in your truck until we get paid or something!" We started carpooling that week...and realize...WHY have we not been doing this?! We figured in his big ass pick-up truck, just to drive 5 miles to and from work (10 miles each day) will probably cost AT LEAST a tank of gas each month, if not more! A tank of gas in his truck cost anywhere from $70 to $80 depending on price of gas. So, #1 luxury gone - I stay 1/2 hour behind at work and we use our little car to drive to/from work. It's amazing how we took this luxury for granted. It's like "HELL NO! I'm driving my own car =P"...little did we realize how frivolous that was given how close our work is!
Second, perhaps most painful for me - TV (cable)! I know, this is a no-brainer "luxury" item. However, I watch A LOT of TV. We were paying about $150 a month for TV and internet together and for the longest time, I protested getting rid of cable. I mean WHAT kind of people live without cable?!! That's when I realize how it was another "luxury" that I mistakenly considered as a "necessity". Now that we got rid of TV, our bill is down to about $40 per month just of the internet. Internet will give us plenty of entertainment to keep us home and not going out and spending money. Not to mention, I go to school online...so I actually do need it =)
So far, that's at least $200 per month, if not more that we have saved. I know it doesn't seem like much, but it's a start. I can't cut out the credit card payments or car payments (we are upside down on our cars). We want to keep out good credit and not ruin it...so we are working on cutting on what we can. I'm really proud of us to be honest because just a year ago, I would have never thought we'd be able to live with just one car and no cable!
Till next time!
-Emma
Life and the damn Monkey Wrench!
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Hi there! It has been a long time since I've blogged. Well, life as usual has been tough, but the silver lining finally came and Miller got a kick ass new job about 2 weeks ago. He loves the people he works with, he loves the company, he loves the position and the money is great. The job is close to home, no more driving around and beating up our truck.
I knew life was going too smoothly for us. Everything was looking up and we were planning on getting out of debt finally. But, of course...life had to throw a monkey wrench at us. Miller had to go break his foot 60 days before he is about to get health insurance and 2 weeks after starting his new job.
Miller went riding his dirt bike on Saturday with his dad Calvin while I spent some quality time with his step mom (Betty). Betty and I went plant shopping for her new apartment and I bought some stuff to start a little herb garden (no, not the illegal type of herbs!). Betty and Miller's mom (Vicki) both got their Mother Day's flowers and we were having a great day. I bought some kickass shorts on sale and Betty and I were relaxing and I was introducing her to the Real Housewives on Bravo.
It was about 4pm-ish when I get a call from Miller..."hmmm you should probably head home...hmm I think I broke my foot". The scramble began...I sped home, went on Craigslist to call around for crutches then found that the Goodwill store by our house had a bunch. Betty and I went to Goodwill right away and got crutches for him. The only crutches that fit Miller were some nasty old ones, so Betty and I spent 10 minutes or so switching the nasty parts with the shorter crutches. We got back and see that Miller's right foot was swollen like crazy.
The freaking out then started to set in. OMG. What are we going to do? We have a lot of debt granted, HOWEVER we have perfect credit. We have worked our asses off to at least not have any delinquencies on our credit cards and all other loans. Miller did NOT have health insurance! Should we go to the hospital, get him treated and ditch the big ass bill? No, no, no. Miller and I refuse to abuse the system like that. We want to do it right and we also do not want to ruin what we've struggled to work for - our good standing credit.
We waited till Sunday and we headed to Urgent Care. You know, when you privately pay for your medical care, they really don't push you for unnecessary care. Anyhow, they did x-rays and found that he broke his bone in his 2nd, 3rd, and 4th toes were it meet the foot. Great. The doctor there said he'll probably need surgery. F*** was all that went through our heads. Miller knew he messed up big time and I was beyond upset. So we fought all weekend. I did and still do feel bad for giving him such a hard time because I knew he already knows that he F-ED up big time. He didn't need me to harp on him further on top of his broken foot.
So, we went to the County Clinic the next day some 20 miles away in the POURING insane Nor Cal freak rain in May. Guess what? We don't qualify for ANY sort of assistance, not even like an uninsured discount or some sort of payment plan. We're NOT by any means asking for free care. We don't need welfare. However, the County Clinic wanted to charge as much as a private doctor wanted and wanted the money up front. The evil little bitch at the clinic made it seem like it was our ONLY choice to be seen there...and now, I want to go back there and slap her and tell her she's an idiot.
Miller and I went home and tried to come up with a plan. Should we go to the hospital? What? What? What? I called an orthopedic office locally and they are willing to see him on a payment plan if he needed surgery. However, with surgeries, comes charges for a surgery facility and anesthesiologist. Both of those wanted money up front in full. The freak out continues. Thankfully, Miller's grandma has money and it definitely eased the anxiety to hear her say "don't worry, I'll take care of it". Mind you, we're not looking for grandma to pay for it. We're looking for a loan from her. If he needed surgery and we went to the hospital, it can cost $10k upwards. If we did it with the private surgeon, it will be between $6k to $8k and the surgeon gives discount to private pay patients.
With the renewed confidence from grandma, we made an appointment for an orthopedic consultation for Miller with a $150 deposit. We were there today and thank god the surgeon said Miller did not need surgery. Weird how again, doctors do NOT push for unnecessary care when we're private pay (I think this is how Capitalism works...honest people doing honest business). The doctor checked out his foot, said that the bones will heal itself and placed Miller in a boot to align the bones.
Miller can't walk for couple of weeks at least and even after that, he'll probably still be limping around for a few weeks. I don't know what to do with money. He doesn't get paid-time-off yet and he won't get shit from disability since he was pretty much making minimum wage before that.
I swear, life just HAD to throw us this monkey wrench just when everything was starting to look up! I wish I can throw the monkey wrench back at life!! I guess life is just full of surprises. FML. Hopefully things will get better and get better quick.
-Emma
I knew life was going too smoothly for us. Everything was looking up and we were planning on getting out of debt finally. But, of course...life had to throw a monkey wrench at us. Miller had to go break his foot 60 days before he is about to get health insurance and 2 weeks after starting his new job.
Miller went riding his dirt bike on Saturday with his dad Calvin while I spent some quality time with his step mom (Betty). Betty and I went plant shopping for her new apartment and I bought some stuff to start a little herb garden (no, not the illegal type of herbs!). Betty and Miller's mom (Vicki) both got their Mother Day's flowers and we were having a great day. I bought some kickass shorts on sale and Betty and I were relaxing and I was introducing her to the Real Housewives on Bravo.
It was about 4pm-ish when I get a call from Miller..."hmmm you should probably head home...hmm I think I broke my foot". The scramble began...I sped home, went on Craigslist to call around for crutches then found that the Goodwill store by our house had a bunch. Betty and I went to Goodwill right away and got crutches for him. The only crutches that fit Miller were some nasty old ones, so Betty and I spent 10 minutes or so switching the nasty parts with the shorter crutches. We got back and see that Miller's right foot was swollen like crazy.
The freaking out then started to set in. OMG. What are we going to do? We have a lot of debt granted, HOWEVER we have perfect credit. We have worked our asses off to at least not have any delinquencies on our credit cards and all other loans. Miller did NOT have health insurance! Should we go to the hospital, get him treated and ditch the big ass bill? No, no, no. Miller and I refuse to abuse the system like that. We want to do it right and we also do not want to ruin what we've struggled to work for - our good standing credit.
We waited till Sunday and we headed to Urgent Care. You know, when you privately pay for your medical care, they really don't push you for unnecessary care. Anyhow, they did x-rays and found that he broke his bone in his 2nd, 3rd, and 4th toes were it meet the foot. Great. The doctor there said he'll probably need surgery. F*** was all that went through our heads. Miller knew he messed up big time and I was beyond upset. So we fought all weekend. I did and still do feel bad for giving him such a hard time because I knew he already knows that he F-ED up big time. He didn't need me to harp on him further on top of his broken foot.
So, we went to the County Clinic the next day some 20 miles away in the POURING insane Nor Cal freak rain in May. Guess what? We don't qualify for ANY sort of assistance, not even like an uninsured discount or some sort of payment plan. We're NOT by any means asking for free care. We don't need welfare. However, the County Clinic wanted to charge as much as a private doctor wanted and wanted the money up front. The evil little bitch at the clinic made it seem like it was our ONLY choice to be seen there...and now, I want to go back there and slap her and tell her she's an idiot.
Miller and I went home and tried to come up with a plan. Should we go to the hospital? What? What? What? I called an orthopedic office locally and they are willing to see him on a payment plan if he needed surgery. However, with surgeries, comes charges for a surgery facility and anesthesiologist. Both of those wanted money up front in full. The freak out continues. Thankfully, Miller's grandma has money and it definitely eased the anxiety to hear her say "don't worry, I'll take care of it". Mind you, we're not looking for grandma to pay for it. We're looking for a loan from her. If he needed surgery and we went to the hospital, it can cost $10k upwards. If we did it with the private surgeon, it will be between $6k to $8k and the surgeon gives discount to private pay patients.
With the renewed confidence from grandma, we made an appointment for an orthopedic consultation for Miller with a $150 deposit. We were there today and thank god the surgeon said Miller did not need surgery. Weird how again, doctors do NOT push for unnecessary care when we're private pay (I think this is how Capitalism works...honest people doing honest business). The doctor checked out his foot, said that the bones will heal itself and placed Miller in a boot to align the bones.
Miller can't walk for couple of weeks at least and even after that, he'll probably still be limping around for a few weeks. I don't know what to do with money. He doesn't get paid-time-off yet and he won't get shit from disability since he was pretty much making minimum wage before that.
I swear, life just HAD to throw us this monkey wrench just when everything was starting to look up! I wish I can throw the monkey wrench back at life!! I guess life is just full of surprises. FML. Hopefully things will get better and get better quick.
-Emma
My Mom IS Hitler
2 comments
So, I have had one big epiphany recently...and that is...my mom IS Hitler. I feel like all my life has been a big fat lie since I have had this epiphany.
Where do I start? Ever since I was a wee little child, my mom has managed to feed me full of stories about what a terrible husband my dad is. He cheated on my mom and he was an immature jerk. It didn't help that my dad is indeed a douchebag and my mom managed to capitalize on that to make both my sister and I hate him.
My mom always told me, had it NOT been my dad, she would have had this fabulous career in the tax consultant world. She would have made partner in one of the many "Big 5" firms. However, my DAD was the root of all her failures. My dad made it so she couldn't meet with clients after hours. My dad made scenes at her work place. My dad was controlling. Therefore, my mom's career failed time and time again.
Like I said, it didn't help that my dad is a complete douchebag himself. He is a brainless neandertal. He only knew how to express himself through anger and rage. So, it was easy for me to believe every word my mom told me. Besides, I always thought my mom and I were close. I was always able to talk to her. She was my best friend.
From the perspective of a child, my mom seemed to have the most fabulous life. She worked as an executive at top tax firms, she traveled to fabulous places like Tokyo, San Francisco, Houston for business meetings. She always brought back cool gifts from all these places. But her fabulous life always seemed to be ruined by my dad. I always felt bad for my mom. I always took her side. I loved my mom. My mom was perfect! She was what I strive to be like when I grow up. I have always told her that I want to be an executive like her and travel the world. I wanted to be like her. She was my role model, my hero, my best friend.
My mom has manipulated me since I was a child. She manipulated me and my sister like Hitler did to millions of Germans to kill Jews. My whole life has been a lie...until May 2009 when I cut them off.
My recent epiphany came because I decided to do some reconnecting with my family. Let me give you the back story. All my life, my mom has told me my dad was a horrible person. Since my dad was a horrible person, she always told me his entire family was horrible too. My dad comes from a huge family. I think he has 10-15 brothers and sisters. Each person having at least 2 kids. So I had A LOT of cousins. We moved to the US about 10 years ago. After we moved here, we pretty much cut off ALL of the family members on my dad's side.
All my life my mom has fed my head with stories such as: Your uncles and aunts would invite your dad to dinner so that HE can pay for the whole meal; or your uncles and and aunts only wants money from us, that's why they are tricking your dad into doing XYZ. So, I've always disliked my relatives on my dad's side. It was easy because they never really like us. Our family was always singled out at family gatherings and whatnot. So, it was easy to believe my mom. My cousins didn't particularly like me...my grandparents had too many grandkids and didn't show that they particularly liked me either.
We moved to the US because my parents went bankrupt and they had to move. They defaulted on their mortgage and owed a lot of money on their credit cards. From what I remember, they advanced all their credit cards in cash with US Dollars. I don't know how much it was, but I think we had $100k CASH in our luggage when we moved here. I was too young to really know, so this is just my speculation.
When we moved to the US, my mom's sister offered her house for us to live in. She'd tell me that my dad's family didn't give us a dime to help us out. So, it just made it that much easier for my mom to paint this picture about all my dad's side of the family. We did not keep in contact with too many of them...because according to my mom, every time we talked to them, they just wanted money from us. I supported my mom on this for many years! To hell with them if all they want is money. I never made the effort to keep in contact with any of them.
Funny thing is, somehow, we always stayed in contact with all of my mom's family. Don't get me wrong, she hated them too, but my mom's brother and her 2 sisters had money. Especially one of the sisters who is actually filthy rich (the one who let us live in her empty house). So, I've written off all my cousins and relatives on my dad's side for the last decade. I mean, completely written them off. I didn't care about them, didn't care to talk to them, didn't care to know them.
Recently, my mom has taken everything to the next level. Not only did she cut me off, she has also cut off her own family. Her own family finally called BS on her, so she did what she does best, cut people off. No doubt she's manipulated my poor sister and my idiot dad into thinking that the family is just after them. She's always been able to play victim very well. She's always the victim. She did it well too.
I decided to look up my cousins from my dad's side on Facebook. I want to see for myself whether they are really terrible or not. Hey, and turns out, they're not. They're normal. And I don't blame them to have disliked my parents. In fact, my cousins thought my dad died because my mom wouldn't let him talk to any of them. In the last decade, if we EVER called my dad's family, my mom was always the one who called. That's my mom's way of showing how she's the "good guy" cuz my dad was too pussy to talk to his own family.
I feel like such a fool. My mom has planned this strategically. She wanted to cut off all my dad's family...to have them around is to intrude in her grand scheme of whatever it is. She has successfully cut off her own family now, because god knows what she has up her sleeve. She is ALWAYS the victim. She, the almighty, all holy mother, can do no wrong.
I hate her. I hate my dad, but I hate her. I know, it sounds bad. But I hate her. I hate that she has made my life into a complete lie. I hate that she has caused me to have no extended family. I hate that she has manipulated me all these years (and now my poor sister) into thinking that she is a saint. I hate her. I truly hate her. I don't know if anyone can really ever hate their own parents, but I hate my mom. She is the spawn of Satan and my dad is the idiot who follows her because he is also the spawn of Satan...only difference is, Satan didn't give him a brain. My mom is smart and calculated. She painted the perfect victim picture. Everyone always felt sorry for her. Not me. And I'm not going to let bygones by bygones either. She does not get to control my life for 20+ years and lie to me all those years and expect me to let it go down the road.
She scares me to be honest. She scares me because of how good of a victim she plays. She scares me because she is good at lying and playing victim. She scares me. Miller has been telling me this for years, but I couldn't fault my mom! I mean, I just couldn't! It wasn't until May 2009 that I finally woke up from the trance my mom placed me under.
I guess I should have realized it sooner...I mean, think about it...it was always in front of me to see, but I was to stupid. She made it so she and my dad did not spend my FIRST birthday with me. She constantly asked me as a child whether she should divorce my dad. She always blamed my dad for her failures. it's never her! It's always somebody else. She couldn't spend my first birthday with me because my dad made her send me to the US to spend it with my grandparents. She couldn't divorce my dad because I told her no.
It was ALWAYS my mom who was behind it all. She is the mastermind. I don't know what she is out to accomplish, but she has now manipulated someone to let her run for Mayor of Shitty City. I hate her and I don't know who out there can really understand this.
-Emma
Where do I start? Ever since I was a wee little child, my mom has managed to feed me full of stories about what a terrible husband my dad is. He cheated on my mom and he was an immature jerk. It didn't help that my dad is indeed a douchebag and my mom managed to capitalize on that to make both my sister and I hate him.
My mom always told me, had it NOT been my dad, she would have had this fabulous career in the tax consultant world. She would have made partner in one of the many "Big 5" firms. However, my DAD was the root of all her failures. My dad made it so she couldn't meet with clients after hours. My dad made scenes at her work place. My dad was controlling. Therefore, my mom's career failed time and time again.
Like I said, it didn't help that my dad is a complete douchebag himself. He is a brainless neandertal. He only knew how to express himself through anger and rage. So, it was easy for me to believe every word my mom told me. Besides, I always thought my mom and I were close. I was always able to talk to her. She was my best friend.
From the perspective of a child, my mom seemed to have the most fabulous life. She worked as an executive at top tax firms, she traveled to fabulous places like Tokyo, San Francisco, Houston for business meetings. She always brought back cool gifts from all these places. But her fabulous life always seemed to be ruined by my dad. I always felt bad for my mom. I always took her side. I loved my mom. My mom was perfect! She was what I strive to be like when I grow up. I have always told her that I want to be an executive like her and travel the world. I wanted to be like her. She was my role model, my hero, my best friend.
My mom has manipulated me since I was a child. She manipulated me and my sister like Hitler did to millions of Germans to kill Jews. My whole life has been a lie...until May 2009 when I cut them off.
My recent epiphany came because I decided to do some reconnecting with my family. Let me give you the back story. All my life, my mom has told me my dad was a horrible person. Since my dad was a horrible person, she always told me his entire family was horrible too. My dad comes from a huge family. I think he has 10-15 brothers and sisters. Each person having at least 2 kids. So I had A LOT of cousins. We moved to the US about 10 years ago. After we moved here, we pretty much cut off ALL of the family members on my dad's side.
All my life my mom has fed my head with stories such as: Your uncles and aunts would invite your dad to dinner so that HE can pay for the whole meal; or your uncles and and aunts only wants money from us, that's why they are tricking your dad into doing XYZ. So, I've always disliked my relatives on my dad's side. It was easy because they never really like us. Our family was always singled out at family gatherings and whatnot. So, it was easy to believe my mom. My cousins didn't particularly like me...my grandparents had too many grandkids and didn't show that they particularly liked me either.
We moved to the US because my parents went bankrupt and they had to move. They defaulted on their mortgage and owed a lot of money on their credit cards. From what I remember, they advanced all their credit cards in cash with US Dollars. I don't know how much it was, but I think we had $100k CASH in our luggage when we moved here. I was too young to really know, so this is just my speculation.
When we moved to the US, my mom's sister offered her house for us to live in. She'd tell me that my dad's family didn't give us a dime to help us out. So, it just made it that much easier for my mom to paint this picture about all my dad's side of the family. We did not keep in contact with too many of them...because according to my mom, every time we talked to them, they just wanted money from us. I supported my mom on this for many years! To hell with them if all they want is money. I never made the effort to keep in contact with any of them.
Funny thing is, somehow, we always stayed in contact with all of my mom's family. Don't get me wrong, she hated them too, but my mom's brother and her 2 sisters had money. Especially one of the sisters who is actually filthy rich (the one who let us live in her empty house). So, I've written off all my cousins and relatives on my dad's side for the last decade. I mean, completely written them off. I didn't care about them, didn't care to talk to them, didn't care to know them.
Recently, my mom has taken everything to the next level. Not only did she cut me off, she has also cut off her own family. Her own family finally called BS on her, so she did what she does best, cut people off. No doubt she's manipulated my poor sister and my idiot dad into thinking that the family is just after them. She's always been able to play victim very well. She's always the victim. She did it well too.
I decided to look up my cousins from my dad's side on Facebook. I want to see for myself whether they are really terrible or not. Hey, and turns out, they're not. They're normal. And I don't blame them to have disliked my parents. In fact, my cousins thought my dad died because my mom wouldn't let him talk to any of them. In the last decade, if we EVER called my dad's family, my mom was always the one who called. That's my mom's way of showing how she's the "good guy" cuz my dad was too pussy to talk to his own family.
I feel like such a fool. My mom has planned this strategically. She wanted to cut off all my dad's family...to have them around is to intrude in her grand scheme of whatever it is. She has successfully cut off her own family now, because god knows what she has up her sleeve. She is ALWAYS the victim. She, the almighty, all holy mother, can do no wrong.
I hate her. I hate my dad, but I hate her. I know, it sounds bad. But I hate her. I hate that she has made my life into a complete lie. I hate that she has caused me to have no extended family. I hate that she has manipulated me all these years (and now my poor sister) into thinking that she is a saint. I hate her. I truly hate her. I don't know if anyone can really ever hate their own parents, but I hate my mom. She is the spawn of Satan and my dad is the idiot who follows her because he is also the spawn of Satan...only difference is, Satan didn't give him a brain. My mom is smart and calculated. She painted the perfect victim picture. Everyone always felt sorry for her. Not me. And I'm not going to let bygones by bygones either. She does not get to control my life for 20+ years and lie to me all those years and expect me to let it go down the road.
She scares me to be honest. She scares me because of how good of a victim she plays. She scares me because she is good at lying and playing victim. She scares me. Miller has been telling me this for years, but I couldn't fault my mom! I mean, I just couldn't! It wasn't until May 2009 that I finally woke up from the trance my mom placed me under.
I guess I should have realized it sooner...I mean, think about it...it was always in front of me to see, but I was to stupid. She made it so she and my dad did not spend my FIRST birthday with me. She constantly asked me as a child whether she should divorce my dad. She always blamed my dad for her failures. it's never her! It's always somebody else. She couldn't spend my first birthday with me because my dad made her send me to the US to spend it with my grandparents. She couldn't divorce my dad because I told her no.
It was ALWAYS my mom who was behind it all. She is the mastermind. I don't know what she is out to accomplish, but she has now manipulated someone to let her run for Mayor of Shitty City. I hate her and I don't know who out there can really understand this.
-Emma
The Fear of the Unknown
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It has been a while since I have blogged. Since the wedding, I’ve been busy…wait…that’s just an excuse, I’ve been lazy. Anyway, as I have mentioned in my introduction, I’m here to share with you our trial and tribulations, living in America in today’s lovely economic atmosphere. So, here I am again, venting. Yes, I know there are people worse off, I get it. I could be trapped under rubbles in Haiti, but I’m not. I get it. But everything is relative…and this is relative to where I live.
By the way, before I start, sometimes I wish I was three years old again (Carolina and I decided that three was the optimal age we would like to be at…because…well, we had bad childhood memories in some of the later years…I digress). See, being three, your main worry was that mommy and daddy wants you to do your business in that bowl that might swallow you instead of this comfy soft thing that’s stuck to your butt. Adult life is full of unknowns, things you can’t control, things you get your hopes up and end up disappointing you.
In light of the great President Obama for extended the first time homebuyer’s tax credit incentive until April 30, 2010, Miller and I decided, hey, maybe we can shoot for buying a house instead of renewing our lease! We’ve been together for 6 years, we’re now married, and we’ve never had problems with paying rent, albeit we have $20k plus in credit card debt and a combined amount of nearly $50k in car loans. But hey, we’re ready…we have to live somewhere…might as well pay a mortgage than rent! We are ready for this commitment. We’re not going to make the same mistakes millions of Americans did in the last decade by purchasing a home on a whim that is way out of their budget. We are going to buy a house, within budget. We were going to aim low…maybe a 3 bedroom 2 bath around $150k to $200k….mortgage payment around what we pay in rent now. Reasonable...right? We both work and we know we can do this.
After all, the great Obama’s plan is to stimulate the housing market, giving people INCENTIVE to purchase a house. Obama’s “hope and change” set me up for great disappointment once again. Miller and I both have good credit, only issue was the debt-to-income ratio. Miller was out of work for a while because he was in the construction field. He has started a new job about 10 months ago in a new field. He’s working…that should count for something right? In the midst of MILLIONS of unemployed bums.
Nope. Idiots like my parents can screw up time and time again and own 8 properties, no doubt losing couple of properties along the way. Somehow, they qualify for refinances, loan modifications, and equity lines. But US…NOPE. Can’t even qualify to buy our FIRST home. Why? Because they wouldn’t take Miller’s income into consideration. Because he hasn’t been in this new field “long enough”, because he was out of work for a while. Had it not been all these IDIOTS who screwed up the economy, Miller would have had an awesome job history!!!!
NOT because we have bad credit, not because we can’t afford it with BOTH our incomes, no. Because they wouldn’t even take his income into consideration WHATSOEVER. Wow. We are BOTH working for crying out loud! That’s a miracle in today’s world. We’re not looking to buy a $500k house, not even a $300k house. $200k was are “high”, that was the “ceiling”!
I know, life is unfair, we could be worse off, I know. But, this is just absurd. We’re prepared to make the commitment and promise to purchase a house. We have the MEANS to do so. We would love to help out some poor family who must short sale their house ASAP. We would love to take up a foreclosed house with a dead lawn and revitalize it. And hey, this means that a bank will actually be PAID for the house instead of letting the grass die and the house fall apart. I hate how we have no say and no control over this whatsoever. I know, mortgage is a business…so human compassion doesn’t come into play. But, but, but, but, but…..*sigh* I understand. I’m not the most compassionate person myself, so I understand.
Hrphmmmm. I feel better. Miller and I spoke. This is not the end of the world. We have a plan. Pay down some of our credit cards and let Miller establish his work history again. Rent a house possibly…and start getting some of the big ticketed items (i.e. washer, dryer, and refrigerator). Yeh, we miss the $8k incentive, but we’ll be okay. There are other opportunities on the horizon and everything happens for a reason. I can blame the economy and everything all I want, but it won’t change anything. We are the ones who are in control of our own lives. Economy sucks, life sucks, and we work through it.
-Emma
By the way, before I start, sometimes I wish I was three years old again (Carolina and I decided that three was the optimal age we would like to be at…because…well, we had bad childhood memories in some of the later years…I digress). See, being three, your main worry was that mommy and daddy wants you to do your business in that bowl that might swallow you instead of this comfy soft thing that’s stuck to your butt. Adult life is full of unknowns, things you can’t control, things you get your hopes up and end up disappointing you.
In light of the great President Obama for extended the first time homebuyer’s tax credit incentive until April 30, 2010, Miller and I decided, hey, maybe we can shoot for buying a house instead of renewing our lease! We’ve been together for 6 years, we’re now married, and we’ve never had problems with paying rent, albeit we have $20k plus in credit card debt and a combined amount of nearly $50k in car loans. But hey, we’re ready…we have to live somewhere…might as well pay a mortgage than rent! We are ready for this commitment. We’re not going to make the same mistakes millions of Americans did in the last decade by purchasing a home on a whim that is way out of their budget. We are going to buy a house, within budget. We were going to aim low…maybe a 3 bedroom 2 bath around $150k to $200k….mortgage payment around what we pay in rent now. Reasonable...right? We both work and we know we can do this.
After all, the great Obama’s plan is to stimulate the housing market, giving people INCENTIVE to purchase a house. Obama’s “hope and change” set me up for great disappointment once again. Miller and I both have good credit, only issue was the debt-to-income ratio. Miller was out of work for a while because he was in the construction field. He has started a new job about 10 months ago in a new field. He’s working…that should count for something right? In the midst of MILLIONS of unemployed bums.
Nope. Idiots like my parents can screw up time and time again and own 8 properties, no doubt losing couple of properties along the way. Somehow, they qualify for refinances, loan modifications, and equity lines. But US…NOPE. Can’t even qualify to buy our FIRST home. Why? Because they wouldn’t take Miller’s income into consideration. Because he hasn’t been in this new field “long enough”, because he was out of work for a while. Had it not been all these IDIOTS who screwed up the economy, Miller would have had an awesome job history!!!!
NOT because we have bad credit, not because we can’t afford it with BOTH our incomes, no. Because they wouldn’t even take his income into consideration WHATSOEVER. Wow. We are BOTH working for crying out loud! That’s a miracle in today’s world. We’re not looking to buy a $500k house, not even a $300k house. $200k was are “high”, that was the “ceiling”!
I know, life is unfair, we could be worse off, I know. But, this is just absurd. We’re prepared to make the commitment and promise to purchase a house. We have the MEANS to do so. We would love to help out some poor family who must short sale their house ASAP. We would love to take up a foreclosed house with a dead lawn and revitalize it. And hey, this means that a bank will actually be PAID for the house instead of letting the grass die and the house fall apart. I hate how we have no say and no control over this whatsoever. I know, mortgage is a business…so human compassion doesn’t come into play. But, but, but, but, but…..*sigh* I understand. I’m not the most compassionate person myself, so I understand.
Hrphmmmm. I feel better. Miller and I spoke. This is not the end of the world. We have a plan. Pay down some of our credit cards and let Miller establish his work history again. Rent a house possibly…and start getting some of the big ticketed items (i.e. washer, dryer, and refrigerator). Yeh, we miss the $8k incentive, but we’ll be okay. There are other opportunities on the horizon and everything happens for a reason. I can blame the economy and everything all I want, but it won’t change anything. We are the ones who are in control of our own lives. Economy sucks, life sucks, and we work through it.
-Emma
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